She's baaaack! Americas or at the very least the Bachelor Nations favorite southern frowny faced prosecutor (I put the bad guys away!) is hitting Chris Harrison up for 25 more men. Does anyone else find it ironic (I never know if I using that word right) that we all hailed Andi the MOST awesome Bachelorette on JPG's season because she was smart and had a great (read actual) career (compared to most of the Hooter's girls) and at the first opportunity to extend her 15 minutes she chucks her job to become the Bachelorette?!?! Just throwin' that out there.
Let me get this out of the way so we can get to dishin' on the men. Top three things that annoy me about Andi...1. She always sounds like she needs Sudafed. So stuffy!!! 2. She says ya'll...a lot. Like more than journey. But it would make a great drinking game. 3. She has a super frowny face. When not smiling this girl looks like the love child of the Joker and Debbie Downer. Wah wah waaaah.
So the men. Meh. Does anyone doubt that half of them are better suited for the next Bachelor? I'm talking to you JJ the pantsepreneur on his "love quest". I think I would have preferred journey. There's a farmer who doesn't stand a chance. Brett the hairstylist who brought a stolen hotel lamp. Wha??? Emil which is pronounced anal with an m...his words, not mine. Mine are yuck, really and the f dude? Hot black Marquel who brought cookies...schwing! Bradley the opera singer. Long hair lovers Mike, Jason (I am a doctor, you must have a fever cuz you are hot! For reals ladies.), Stoked Steven. Andrew who is way too confident for his face and Patrick who brought a soccer ball. These two had a quick bromance brewing and decided they were much higher caliber than the rest...so excited to see how that pans out for them! Girls totally love guys who think they are better than everybody else! And Chicago's best (God I hope not!) Nick V. with an unfortunate white man fro and Cody...a beefy bohunk personal trainer who pushed the limo up the driveway in a feat of strength. Cue the ladies swooning...or not. Lookin' like a tool in a white v neck Hanes under a jacket with the collar standing up. Talking in some sort of jivey, Diego , don't know why you talk like that when no one else from Chicago does lingo. Wow. Is that really how we represent??? There were others...so much metro and bad facial hair. But Andi has a good feeling ya'll...her husband is in the mix!!!
First impression rose and most backhanded compliment (?) ever went to Nick V. and his fro yo! Because he is completely NOT the kind of guy Andi would EVER go for! So please accept this rose.
In a suspiciously scripted moment (I can't believe they would DO that!) Chris from Emilie's season showed up with...wait for it...roses! and begged to be on the show. He got to spend a lot of time with security but none with Andi. He looked like a tool and has since cried "the producers made me do it!".
In the end we lost all the long locked men. Anal, I mean Emil (you just don't ever rebound from that introduction do you Emil?) Mike and Jason. Rudie the lawyer and Josh B. Josh B. turned into a pissed off toddler while stomping out of the mansion and went on a glorious rant calling it all just stupid and turns out he is a giant jackhole. Dodged a bullet there Andi.
Until next time! I will watch so you don't have to.
