The Other Number 2

20 minutes. 20 minutes of my life that I can never have back…sharpening NINETY (yes, 9. 0.) @*!#% No. 2 pencils. Thank GOD for the electronic pencil sharpener that came free with purchase! It spared my eyeliner sharpener and me a lot of pain. And it only had to be emptied 4 freakin’ times and cooled down twice when it overheated…sharpening…90…pencils. Now, I totally understand the need for new school supplies at the beginning of each school year (seriously?!?)…even the communal items like tissues and paper and hand sanitizer (oh my!) and all the excitement that goes with it. I do, however, struggle with the extreme specifics of each product on the list. Seriously, what did the Rose Art Company ever do to deserve being shut out of our back to school dollars? And perhaps I have a coupon for Puffs? Kids are snotty (literally) and you know they’re going to ask for additional boxes of tissue later in the school year when Tommy or Susie bring the Swine Flu to school and they won’t care what brand it is so long as I send it in promptly. So…since I am growing more confident as a mother every year (or so I tell myself) I was able to take some liberties with the list this time. I feel 3 small pink erasers are an acceptable substitute for 2 large. One pack of 30 pencil top erasers can be exchanged for 2 packs of 12 each. And I do not think they even SELL vinyl smocks for kids over the age of 3 so an old long sleeve shirt of Dad’s with the sleeves rolled up? Check that one off the list too. If it was good enough for me in the 80’s it’s good enough for (who AM I and why do I sound like my mother!)... Finally, I decided to pass off a royal blue plastic folder (don’t even get me started with the plastic folders!) WITH prongs as purple. I WAS able to find purple folders but NO PRONGS! The prongs seemed to be key so I made an executive decision. Even Martini Son #1 agreed that in certain light it COULD be taken for purple. Just for good measure, next to his name in the folder, I wrote PURPLE. He laughed; we have the same sense of humor (thank GOD). PS…the fact that these are the types of decisions I have to even think/worry about (and I will, for hours) proves that

A. I am totally NOT the confident mother I think I am (unbalanced comes to mind) and

B. I can’t believe this is what my life has become (insert favorite martini here).

I do realize the following are totally my fault (in addition to a little OCD I dabble in procrastination):

1. The school district offers school supplies nicely packaged that you pick up on Meet the Principle Day before school starts. I don’t know WHEN this form is sent home but I have managed to miss it for TWO YEARS STRAIGHT (did I mention I suck at organization too?)!

2. In addition to #1, I also wait until the week before school starts to get our supplies. Did you people really go out in June when they first surfaced on the Target shelves?? I was at Target (about a hundred times this summer)…but didn’t shop for school supplies until the week before school started. BIG MISTAKE and 4 stores later I had 99% of the lists done.

3. My kids ARE old enough to sharpen their own damn pencils if I don’t wait until 9pm the night before school starts. When I said I understood the excitement of new school supplies I was not referring to my own kids having excitement for them.

4. I will always spend FAR too much time and energy on tasks that have little meaning in the grand scheme of things to avoid being “that Mom”. Perhaps the teacher would refer to me as that “pain in the ass Mom” that can’t follow directions.

Yes, I did have the Real Housewives of New Jersey to keep me company but it was still an irritating project for a Monday night. I AM a stay-at-home Mom with a s!@% load of time on my hands but I prefer to watch my Housewives while clutching a cool beverage or a pint of Haagen Dazs not 90 Dixon Ticonderoga's.

In the end, it was all worth it when they walked out the door with their brand new back packs filled to capacity with the first load of school supplies strapped to their backs. You bet we split it up into at least two trips! As the mother of accident prone children, you are just asking for trouble hauling a 50 lb. package of copy paper and a million SUPER sharp pencils in the same trip...the horror! As they turned to wave at me while they walked to the bus stop with big, excited smiles on their faces I smiled with pride right back. And I made sure they were around the bend before I started the Back to School and Mom is Soooooooo Happy Dance! Is 8am too early for a martini? Because I’ve got a little time to kill before I have to pick up the things I forgot on the supply list (what did I tell you about procrastination!). Cheers to the Class of 2021 and 2022!