Why do they call it The Garden State?

Like many of you this summer, the Martini Family enjoyed the annual family vacation to the beach.  Destination...the Jersey Shore!  Being a lifetime Midwestern girl, my only experience with the state of New Jersey comes from MTV and various not so great movies so I was super excited to put it mildly.  They also call New Jersery the Garden State but other than some flora scattered at the roadside gas stop I am not sure where the title comes from.  Oh, and speaking of the gas stop, you cannot pump your own gas in Jersey, not even to fill a little can for your lawnmower.  It is a full service state people.   Which brings me to...

Things I Learned on Our Family Vacation to the Jersey Shore

1. Snookie and “The Sitch” don’t live anywhere NEAR where we stayed in Sea Isle City. I am not sure if I am upset or grateful about this.

2. Theresa (“I always live within my means”) and Danielle (“She pulled out my extension!”) and the rest of the Real Housewives live nowhere NEAR where we stayed either!!! I was totally counting on hanging out with them (and by that I mean stalking them).

3. Is YOUS (as is Hey Yous Guys!) REALLY a word???

4. While driving has its advantages, 15 ½ hours in a car with 3 kids and 1 husband is a LONG freakin’ time.

5. People should refrain from telling me about local marine life until AFTER I have been to the beach (not while I am covered in critters). What is the harm in letting a person think tiny little LIVE clams are tiny little shells?

6. People who live near an ocean (or are smarter than me, like Captain Joe) can explain the tides MUCH better than my Midwestern (and ignorant) brain can. To be honest, the kids WERE ok with my “the water goes up, the water goes down” explanation at first, Joe.

7. You will always take a piece of the free salt water taffy and then it will sit in the car, where it will get all melty and you’ll curse it and throw it away. Does ANYone reaaaaally like saltwater taffy??

8. It is really very easy to trip on the wonky boards of the boardwalk, that’s all I’m sayin’.

9. There is a little something for everyone at the Ocean City Boardwalk (including a good laugh for anyone passing by when the woman from Chicago tripped ever so gracefully)…is this really a good thing??

10. When you’re ready to scream and the vodka in the freezer starts to appeal to you at breakfast , bribery is a FANtastic way to get through a long family vacation. “A daily bribe makes for a much smoother ride” is my vaca motto.

11. You can never lean TOO far the other way when the wave runner is tipping.

12. Kids don’t want a “souvenir” to fondly recall their days at the shore (can you really call a hermit crab a souvenir anyway??). They want the same exact sh** they can buy at any one of the bajillion ToysRUs’ you inevitably passed on the hellish million hour drive to your fantastic vacation. The sooner you get over it and just buy them the freakin’ Webkin the happier everyone will be.

13. What you saved by not flying (for SURE it’s not your sanity) you spent on bribes, the Fudgy Wudgy man, $10 rides at the Boardwalk and t-shirts for the whole family (ps. I LOVE my new overpriced purse!).

14. On the way home, when everyone is tired and crabby from a long week at the beach, split the drive in half. That way, you can learn just how long 8 hours in a car with 3 overtired kids and 1 overtired husband and 1 total byotch Mom can be – TWICE.

15. Make the ride home more fun by playing the VW game (Red One!) because at this point, having a legitimate reason to punch each other is AWESOME!

There’s always a lot of crap to complain about on vacation (which I did for sure) but we always seem to pack up the mini and do it all over again the next summer… ROCK ON!!!…JERSEY SHORE 2010!!! WHOO HOO!!!!!!...the memories will last (and by that I mean scar us) forever.