Oh Emily...Will You Ever Get Your Rainbow Connection?

Did you watch?  Did you fall asleep (you know who you are...wink!)?  Did you pine for those 2 hours of your life back?  Here are a few things I know after last nights Bachelorette...

1.  Emily's mouth is full of Chiclets...those big, bright white nuggets can not be teeth...they are sold in packs of 4 by cute children in front of the Hard Rock in Cancun (Spring Break 1992 whoo hoo!).

2.  Maybe I have been married to handsome (mostly bald) Martini Dad for too long but there is A LOT of hair (most of it bad) on this show.  Oh my goodness Jef...I may or may not have sent you and Bachelor Ben a Super Cuts gift certificate. 

3.  I never thought I would say this but...WHERE HAVE ALL THE HELICOPTERS GONE?!?!?  I get that your life is all about soccer practice (in full hair and makeup) and grocery shopping (in full hair and makeup) and baking cookies (in full hair and makeup) but that is NOT why we watch the show!  We WANT you to go on fabulous dates and fall madly (and unrealistically) in love in like, 2 minutes only to doom your relationship (and I use the term loosely) once it's in the real world.  I don't want to watch a show about my neighbors date night...I want "REALITY" show date night!!!



Could you pick him out of a line up?  Could Emily?



4.  Nate (tall, cute and mute) has said one word in 3 1/2 hours...yes.  To a rose.  Isn't there always someone who you never see, who never talks and around the 10th episode you're like, who is that guy and was he always on the show?!?  Enter Nate.

5.  Party MC Stevie from Jersey (holla!) is SOOOO being kept on for WAY TOO LONG (can we agree even a minute has been too long?) for the special brand of drama only he can (drunkenly..."I don't like you, Kalon.") bring.

Waka waka waka the heck?!?!?

6.  The Muppets have lost a little of my respect (can you respect a puppet?)...c'mon Kermie...perhaps it's because Emily was involved but even Fozzie Bear couldn't make this show more interesting (or funny).  The bright spot was Chris Harrison with the crotchety guy from the balcony (did you notice their identical noses?) but I think I just enjoy snark of all kinds...puppet or otherwise.

7.  If Emily got SO CHOKED UP sending Joe home (pity that Love Clock thing didn't pan out) and she only knew him for like, 3 seconds I can't WAIT for the (overly) emotional buh byes to come!  Wah wah wah.

Cute...unless it's from a grown ass man...is he really "too perfect" Emily???

8.  Best (and worst) moment of the show...Ryan's ridiculously long (and sort of 8th gradish) letter to Emily...reading it ALOUD while Tony stands there watching and waiting...and waiting...and waiting...A.W.E.S.O.M.E!  And by that I mean totally awk-ward!  Loved it (every creepy seven.pages.long moment)!

So in the previews of upcoming episodes we see plenty 'o man crying (one of my faves!) and our Bachelorette hucking that big ass egg down some stairs...can't wait!  So for now, I will keep logging the hours with our boring Bachelorette until it makes me feel all stabby and I have to stop (who am I kidding...I will never stop watching this weekly train wreck).

Until next week!