Did you watch? Did you love it...hate it? Doesn't matter...Imma gonna dissect it for you (and by that I mean make fun of it)!
First, can we all agree...Bachelorette Emily is GORGEOUS, stunning, beautiful...if it were a drinking game we would have all been in a coma...every guy said it...A LOT! And she is...she looks like a Princess...but her monotone voice and heh heh heh controlled laugh made me think our girl might be on a little mood enhancer (I'll have what she's having please!). Don't you just want to hear a good belly laugh out of her?? I have to say it (gasp)...I find her a bit boring and one dimensional. Perhaps he personality will develop as the season goes on (or not).
And now on to the good stuff. And by that I mean mocking the men! Is it just me or are there a lot less hot men looking to fight for love on this show?!? Don't get me wrong, many of these guys are easy on the eyes (helloooo Nate!) but not so much different from the dudes you'd find at happy hour at Chili's on any given Thursday. Anywhoo...who was your fave? And by that I mean to biggest nut ball, of course. For me it was a 3 way tie...
Travis...I promised you a big ass egg didn't I? And I am not sure I'm talking about the one from the ostrich. Did you have flashbacks to Kasey "Guard and protect your heart" creepiness? Me too! So perky too..."Wassup Dogs!"...my nine year old says that...to OTHER nine year olds...and it sounds ridiculous...but he's nine. And did he REALLY think this egg thing through...as he cradled it during the rose ceremony and gave the egg it's own seat on the swing I wondered if he's going to hang on to it the ENTIRE time OR how long it is before someone scrambles all that he holds dear.
Brent, Brent, Brent...when you said you have 6 kids and do you want to see pictures I know I'm not the only one who thought you would pull out a Polaroid of your 6 shih tzus. You didn't make it through the first rose ceremony but you did NOT disappoint! I am so sorry that Emily "hit you like a freight train" (in the 10 seconds you knew her) and that you needed to cry (wah wah wah...yeah first man cry!). But my favorite (Debbie Downer) was when you said "I know there isn't a high probability that I will find love, given my age (41) and that I have 6 kids". Sadly, I think these may be the least of your worries Brent.
And who didn't love (or cringe) when they met Party MC Stevie from Jersey...woop woop! Holy party rockers in the house tonight...everybody's shufflin'!!! The boom box, the choreography (I was hoping for a fist pump)...and what is going on with that baby beard??? What an instigator he is...following in the footsteps of every other NJ reality star he is gonna bring some drah-ma!!! The only thing missing was an extra dark spray tan but I have hope.
Since there are so many other notable characters I thought I would sum it up for you in a little thing I'd like to call...And the (freak) award goes to:
Most Times Singing Emily (over and over and over and over) Badly or Are You REALLY a Singer/Songwriter (read waiter)?...DAVID!
Cheesiest Line Ever from a Biology Teacher..."I hope I have chemistry with you"...AARON!
Least Hot Brazilian Ever or What a Waste of an Accent...ALESSANDRO!
I'm Too Old to use a Skateboard as my Primary Mode of Transportation or My Hair is Higher than a Southern Girls...JEF (with one f please)!
Worst Idea for an Entrance EVER or Dressing Like an Old Lady is Really Weird...RANDY!
Please Don't Call Him Wolf Even if he told you to...WOLF (I was so distracted by that I don't even know his real name)!
Is That what You'd call a Bob or Worst.Hair.Ever on a Grown Man (yes, even worse than Bachelor Ben)...MICHAEL!
Is it Weird That I Had Bobble Heads Made of Us and Now I Want to Play with Them?...CHRIS (clearly Emily was impressed..."He's SUPER hot!"
If You Want, We can Share Earrings...ALEJANDRO (who should stick to Spanish 'cuz he sounds like a douche in English)
Buy Girls Shoes and it Won't Matter That you are Quite Unattractive...TONY!
I Started Helicopter Fest 2012 or I'm Pretty Full of Myself and Likely Full of Sh** (please hate me)...KALON (is that a real name???)
Most of My Head is Titanium or Don't Take This Guy on a Balcony...CHARLIE (did he try to bite her?)!
I Didn't Get a Rose so Imma Gonna Take my Shirt Off (totally makes sense to me!)...JACKSON!
Now my husband always says the Bachelorette isn't worth watching mainly because her hates all these "reality" shows (that I LOVE) and because A. There is only one hot girl vs. 25 on the Bachelor and B. 25 girls bring a lot more crazy than 25 guys but I'm not so sure. There looks to be plenty of catty dudes in this crowd and there was an entire MONTAGE of man crying in
the preview of upcoming episodes. I think men can't help but be competitive and whether they like Emily or not they're gonna fight for her and I'm gonna be there to watch the whole sorry train wreck.
Until next week!
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