London and Man Scarves and Dragons...Oh My!

First, let me apologize for not posting last week and express my gratitude that several of you asked where it was.  I would write these posts whether anyone read them or not and imagine my delight that it's being read regularly.  Thank you for missing my little blog.

So, Emily, you sweet, sweet girl.  Why oh why are you so boring?  Sometimes, when I'm watching, I have to stab myself with a fork just to stay focused.  I think casting did a spectacular job this time around because they found you some of the.most.boring bachelors to go with your sparkly personality.  Which brings me to your first date with Sean...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  I was momentarily lifted out of snooze ville by that awesome dress you were wearing...loved it!  AND while passing time watching the worlds most boring date, I had a fantastic idea for a drinking game!  Every time Emily says "cute" take a sip or a chug.  It may help the show seem a little less boring and you may vomit...win win!  When Sean said this was the best day of his life I wanted to cry...me thinks he needs to live a little if that's the case. 

Best day ever?  Meh.

Onward fair readers to thoust lame ass group date.  Was anyone surprised that no one but Alejandro knew it was Shakespeare referenced on the date card?  Me either (and by that I mean I expected NONE of them to know).  Where to begin...Kalon took things WAY too seriously as usual and kept the stick firmly in his ass where it has been since he climbed out the limo.  You know we will visit him again later, right???  I am afraid someone told Ryan they liked his man scarf once because he wore one every time we saw him tonight. 

Man scarf.

I am not sold on the man scarf...but I would like to ask him about the knot he used for future reference with my scarf...for a woman...like God intended it to be.  But what was up with the cheesy wink 'n tongue click he gave Emily after sequestering her behind the velvet curtains at the pub?  This guy is ridiculous but I think Emily is eating it up.  Better not eat too much girlfriend because then Ryan will only love you, not love ON you.  The boys got all girly at the pub, gossiping about Kalon's unfortunate (but fortunate for us!) "baggage" remarks.  At first, I thought this was a case of the telephone game...you know...when Kalon says one thing and by the time it gets to Emily it's something totally different in really shitty way.  Alas, Kalon is just a d-bag (this is a surprise to anyone?). 

Doug                      33
Pot Stirrer/Tattle Tale

Enter Doug...professional pot stirrer and resident tattle tale.  I don't know about you but there is something about Doug that makes me feel icky.  I don't like him.  I don't like his personality, I don't like the things that come out his mouth, I don't like his face.  I think he is part girl the way he gathers everyone together to out Kalon.  But I'm glad he did for the BEST moment of the night when Emily decides to "go West Virginia hood rat backwoods on his ass".  Can I get an AMEN!  I LOVE West Viriginia...home of Biscuit World...it's totally worth the trip.

WV hood rat.

Jef finally gets his one-on-one.  There is not much I can say about this one.  First, he says if Ricki is baggage then she is a Chloe bag I want to keep forever and then he says they will have dance parties all night, singing into hair brushes while Emily is at work.  I'm gonna go out on a limb here and risk offending...I worry that Jef would be better suited as Emily's gay BFF (and I love me a gay BFF...after all, it's no secret Andy Cohen is my big gay crush).

Chloe or Ricki???

 

The rose ceremony is less than dramatic (and by that I mean painfully boring) ...Ryan wears another man scarf (make it stop!) and Alejandro gets the boot.  Hardly surprising considering Emily had yet to have a conversation with him.  But it still hurt bad and made him tear up a little in the cab home (they must not have limos in London...or helicopters...damn it!). 

Croatia here we come!