Translation: I have a wedgie...the most interesting thing said this week on the Bachelor by little Miss Camilla. Seriously.
Is it just me or is this the snooziest season ever? I certainly hope I am not outgrowing the Bachelor...I feel like I just stopped watching The Real World (who am I kidding, the Ex-plosion was on last night!!!). But for reals...with Clare acting cray cray and Nikki (aka Debbie Downer) and awkward Sharleen and Danielle (who is that girl?) all still going strong who can tell where this BOR-ing string of group dates and 1-on-1s are headed???
This week the group heads to South Korea (who may or may certainly have received promotional consideration). News of the trip causes Clare to cry...crying count is at 3,298 (for Clare alone). It also causes Elise to take 30 Xanax (oh wait, that's just her personality) and say something in her monotone, deadpan voice. PS...if you haven't seen her in "Yule Log Hotties" you need to You Tube that right now! She is glitteriffic and every bit the conservative first grade teacher she presents herself as. I am also quite sure the rumors that she used to stalk and or hump "The Situation" are completely untrue.
The group date is (suprise!) a dance party! Juan Papa really seems to like to get jiggy wit it a lot! 21...South Korea's Spice Girls pump up the jam while the girls are background dancers. (Self proclaimed) professional and not at all over the top dancers Kat and Cassandra really go for it. Chelsie is doe eyed as usual. I think this girl has lived in a cardboard box up until this point. Everything is so amazing, new and amazing!!! Now that is a girl who could benefit from a Xanax or 20. Kat brings the mood down a thousand notches talking about her alchoholic dad with an impressive 7 DUIs...wah wah wah. Nikki turned into negative Nikki, whining and complaining her way through the day. Elise mumbled about something unimportant but used the word impor-ant. BIGGEST PET PEEVE WORD EVER!!! Why do people drop the T? AAaaaaaack! Second only to realtor (not real-a-tor people...real-tor)! End rant.
Insert gratuitious shower scene here...thank you ABC.
Juan-on-1 with Sharleen. I am not sure we are all on the same date. She was really thrilled with how things went but all I saw was awkward awkward awkward. Apparantly, singing to a man (rather than a full opera house) is kid of like giving her flower away...she was a little uncomfortable putting it out there. Like everything else. Juan P asked how many kids she wants and she asks "me?"...or maybe he's asking the other totes awkward opera singer in the room? Not to shock anyone but she is not maternal. So JPG makes out with her...bites her a little bit and gives her a rose.
Second group date...group fish pedi!!! Desperation, thy name is Clare. When offered a nub of calamari, she went ape crazy and everyone was so proud (read annoyed) when she finally downed it. Cue Kelly quote of the week..."...and I know you've swallowed bigger things than that."...we love her. Juan P just says no to kissing for the night (but the count is at 6) to be a good role model to his kid. Then just like the rest of us parents, hangs on to being a good role model until we screw it up. He must really like Clare because he kisses her after she admits to throwing up the octopus (in her mouth) and swallowing it back down. Who wouldn't want to make out after that!
Renee, Chelsie, Kelly, Danielle (who is she?), Cassandra, Alli (CHI town holla! We heart calamari!), Clare and Kat get their roses. Lauren, whose denied kiss made her and every other person watching cry and made "so so many mistakes" and Elise (bad bad ugly cry) got sent packing and had the looooooongest walk away from JPG ever, while they all stared.
Looks like Juan drops the rules on more than just kissing next week. There MAY be more drama and it MAY involve Clare. Until then.
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